I've been meaning to type this for weeks/months and I really have no excuse for not doing so. The details have become a little blurry but fortunately my doula sent me a timeline of events and from that I will add my emotional side of the journey.
As my due date came and went, the thought of induction became more of a reality than I had ever wanted it to be. Each day that passed after 40 weeks I would search on babycenter.com, looking for other moms who had delivered babies past their due date. 40 weeks 5 days, 41 weeks 3 days, 41 weeks 5 days... Time was running out, as the midwife practice and hospital protocol was induction at 42 weeks. I wanted to give Callahan every fighting chance to come on his own and that I did. It became clear at 41 weeks 6 days when I went in for a non-stress test and was still only 1cm dilated and still sitting high that I would need to go in for induction the next day, but I still had hope!! I tried every old wive's tale - castor oil (bad idea all around), evening primrose oil, red raspberry leaf tea, long walks every night, going up and down stairs sideways, chiropractor adjustment and acupuncture. I thought for sure when I tried the chiro and acupuncture at 41 wks 5 days that I would go into labor but nothing... Not a single contraction. Needless to say I was feeling very discouraged and worried that my body was not going to do what it needed to do naturally and after taking a 12 week Bradley class and taking prenatal yoga for weeks, this was not the outcome I had envisioned. After many tears and through conversation with other moms and friends I became okay with the possibility of induction, but was certain I would not get an epidural because I would be getting misoprostol (less intense) to induce, not pitocin.
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| 42 weeks! |
The day that marked 42 weeks came and there still was not a single sign that I would be going into labor. We decided to head to the hospital at our leisure, around 10:30 a.m., after getting a decent night's sleep and having breakfast, considering we weren't sure how long the induction would take, or when I would get to eat next. The nurses checked me into triage at 12pm, and immediately took my blood pressure and checked Cal's heart rate. My blood pressure was high (not shocking, because I was very nervous), however, it was normal the whole pregnancy. Cal's heart rate was also high - which we thought was due to my anxiety level at the time, because of how it went down as time went on. Due to both of these things, I was admitted shortly after into an actual room and given oxygen and IV fluids, because they wanted to monitor me closely to make sure everything was okay. It was a blessing in disguise that we were able to get into a room so quickly, without me actually be in labor, because typically they would have had me stay in triage, which means there could be other women in labor right next to you with only a curtain between, but we were moved to a large room with a shower for laboring and a couch for Matt to rest on. At 3:30pm, when everything had calmed down, the midwife started the induction. I did not have to be on oxygen anymore or fluids. At this point, I was confined to the bed because they had kept the external monitor strapped around my stomach to keep Cal's heart rate monitored, and I had a short range of where I could move to without the cord coming unplugged. Again, somewhat disheartening, because I imagined myself being able to walk around freely during labor or get into different positions to ease the pain. I felt out of control and unsure of what was going to happen. I knew I would have Cal one way or another, but the process in which it would happen was not what I wanted. I also started to finally realize that I never had control of what was going to happen, and that the Lord knew exactly how this event would take place so that Cal would come into this world safely.
I press on, and they check my cervix again after 4 hours, around 7:30pm and I was still only 1cm dilated. Again, not sure how I would magically become dilated, but the midwife was able to give me a second dose at 8pm. At this point, I was not having any contractions, just trying to sleep on and off because I knew I would be up all night, considering labor hadn't actually started, and I was also getting hungry but I was not able to eat since they admitted me. They brought me a tray of liquids - chicken broth, jello, apple juice, ginger ale etc. and it felt like a feast. Matt took a picture of me because I was so excited.
Around 9pm, I started to feel contractions! Woo hoo! It was so great to finally have something happening and to confirm that they were actual contractions on the monitor. They were around 5 minutes apart and I was feeling them in my back. It wasn't unbearable at this point, but somewhat uncomfortable. At midnight, I was given a third dose of misoprostol and my cervix was now 3 cm dilated, and I was 80% effaced. My back was starting to throb, and Matt and I were both exhausted already, considering it was the middle of the night. I kept breathing through each contraction, and Matt was trying to encourage me as each one came. We decided it was time to call our doula because the pain was starting to get more intense and I wasn't sure how to have Matt help me because I was having back labor instead of regular contractions. It became clear that Callahan was positions sunny side up - instead of face down, and his spine was grinding against my back. At 7am, our doula came and it was incredibly helpful. We decided to unhook the monitor for a period of time to try some different positions, but nothing felt comfortable. It started to feel like my back was going to shred in half each time a contraction would come. We were listening to worship music, my doula was giving me a foot massage and Matt went to go get himself a coffee.
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| Breathing through a contraction with my doula Tammy. |
I started to feel like I wasn't able to manage my pain on my own anymore and after talking with Matt and my doula they encouraged me to keep going. At 9am I was checked again and was at 5 cm and still 80% effaced. This was encouraging but things were still moving slowly. Matt was applying counter pressure to my back and trying all of the pain management strategies, but it wasn't enough. The pain was excruciating and my contractions were getting very close together to the point I wasn't able to fully relax. I asked to be checked again two hours later and was still at 5cm. I started to feel very frustrated that I wasn't progressing as quickly as I had hoped, and was running out of energy from the lack of sleep and food. I said to Matt and my doula that I wanted an epidural, and they talked me out of it, which I was not happy about at the time, but they believed I could continue on my own. We still asked the nurse about getting an epidural, and they said they would have to do another round of blood work beforehand since it had been 24 hours since the last time they had checked it, and it would take an hour to get back the results. I didn't want to have to wait, nor have my blood drawn between contractions, and just said that I would continue to labor without it. My midwife convinced me that it would be a good idea to get the blood work just in case I decided later to get the epidural. I complied, and am so glad that I did. Around 1pm, I was checked again and was still at 5cm. I asked for my water to be broken and once this was done it showed meconium in the fluid. At this point they needed to start pitocin because they didn't want Cal to get it in his lungs. I immediately asked for an epidural at this point, and don't regret my decision at all. I felt that I had given it my best effort and knew that back labor was no joke. In order for my body to relax, I needed to rest. The epidural was incredible. The pain went away after just a couple more contractions. I could sleep and Matt could sleep and everything was peaceful again. My stomach would harden and the contractions were coming quickly but I couldn't feel a thing. I slept for a few hours, and woke up to pressure, as if it was time to push. I was checked again and I was at 9cm!! Woo hoo! The epidural made all the difference. The midwives and nurses quickly came and I was able to start pushing! 45 minutes later, Callahan made his appearance!
The doctor came and made sure he didn't have any meconium in his lungs and handed him back to me. It was pure bliss.
Now I can say that even though I wanted everything to happen naturally, I am still in awe of how things came together in such a beautiful way. We were respected by the nurses and midwives, we were given the space needed to bring Cal into this world, I was listened to, and most of all taken care of.
